I took him back. I know, I know... I just couldn't not do it. It was a huuuuge misunderstanding on both of our parts and I don't know what to say for myself. Maybe I need to stop putting myself out there like that because I'm starting to feel dumber by the day, or maybe he's just that good, or maybe he is the one, or maybe he's that good because he is the one. I poured out my heart to him last night and he listened. He apologized, grabbed me, and told me "I want you." I didn't believe him. He told me that the dude is out of his life and that I misunderstood the conversation. Like I said, he didn't say anything in the conversation that I felt was a need for me to break up with him. The dude called me yesterday and was like "Hey, I just saw you drive by. Where you goin'?" and I'm like "Don't worry about it." Then he's like just meddling, and I'm like "Why'd you call me?" and he's like "'Cause I wanna have sex with you?" and I'm thinking what the hell is wrong with this guy!? So I go, "Well, you know that's NEVER gonna happen, right?" and he's like "Wha?" and I repeat myself. Then he's like, where's your bf? and I go "You KNOW where he is!" Thinking they were together because dude found out where I lives somehow. His new apartment is within walking distance to mine, which scares me, but I'm moving in two weeks anyway. He told me he knew where I lived and that I backed my car in whenever I came home. I was a little creeped out by it, but I was like "So he (my bf) told you where I live?" and he's like, "Nope... I found it on my own." He told me how he'd recognized my car, and had seen me the past few days. This fucker's been watching me!... and he has nothing better to do with his life. After I hung up the phone w/ him, I called my bf and asked him where he was because he was supposed to meet me at my place at 5:00. He told me he was right around the corner. I had just left the grocery store when I called the dude back. I'm like "You know what, I really need to stop talking to you. You're the reason why he's so fucked up right now, and I don't need either one of you in my life." and he's like "Fine. If you don't wanna talk to me... (click)" and that was it. Was it really that easy? I hope so.

The only problems that he and I have ever had have been because of this dude. He tells me that all it was between them was him just having someone to chill and smoke with. That's it. Just "somebody on the street" is the type of relationship he's told me they had. He knows that I don't like him smoking, but I told him that if he's gonna smoke, he needs to smoke alone. He said okay. He said this dude is no longer going to be between us, and is no longer going to be a problem.

I do have some trust issues that come from everyone else in my past, my parents included. That's a long story in itself, but when you can't even really trust your own parents, how can you trust anyone.

I went off on him and I hurt his feelings so bad. I crushed him because I wanted to know how he made me feel. He said he didn't think I'd go that deep. I really went overboard, and regret it now.

He agreed that the conversation I overheard was shady and he sincerely apologized to me. He started tearing up, but I didn't let him cry. I wasn't feelin' it and I wasn't taking him back. We sat on opposite sides of the sofa, and he kept telling me to come sit next to him. I resisted.

I had somewhere to be, so I just pretty much ended the conversation. He got up and walked towards the door. I grab his arm to stop him from walking out the door. Then he turns around and wraps his arms around me, and maaaan... I got so damn emotional. I started crying and everything...

No one's ever seen me cry before, not even my parents....

I never completed this post because I couldn't get my thoughts together, but the next post pretty much sums it up. If it doesn't make sense... I'm SORRY! lol, It prolly never will, but bear with me...