"...Don't question everything, I'm glad you're pacing yourself, but hold up... Do you want to be over him? Don't be scared of being vulnerable, its a tough place to be, but as BabbanastaMarley once sang,
In this life, in this lifeIn this oh sweet life
We're coming in from the cold
So don't fret over these nonconsecuential things, ask yourself what you really want, and it can actually be to be with this person, IT IS a valid answer u know, but if there is something holding you back, and its not yourself, then it's possible this guy isn't "the right thing" if so, then at least get some fun from it, take care, be safe, enjoy..."
That was the comment that I got from ML, months ago, the night I decided I wanted to be with my man. Who woulda thought I could still apply that to now? That why he's my BOY!...
The truth is, a lot of the problems I have with him, are MY issues.
I took him back, I did. He apologized, sincerely, and talked about wanting me to understand that he cares for and loves me, and about how his love for me makes him weak. (Yes, he DID say that...)
He cried and THAT was unexpected, even moreso because of how thuggish he was lookin'... -lol- He was trying to fight it. Waiting to be alone, but he could barely hold back. He was embracing me, and he wouldn't let me go. His face was pressed into my abdomen because of how I was sitting in front of him in his lap facing him. That's the only way I can open up to him, when I'm right there on top of him with him holding me and looking at me. I was trying to get up and walk out of the room, and he wouldn't let me go. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and that's when he let it out.
I can't explain the past two days now, but we've gotten to a point where we really can't be without each other.
Looking back, the last situation was pretty shady, but it really wasn't what I blew it up to be.
(I'm sorry if I got some of you as upset as I was, b/c I know some of y'all were planning to come down to FL to "raise up on [these] bitches" -lol-)
As a result, and the pain I felt, I ended up hurting him in the process of us coming back together. I hurt him really bad with my words. That's just one thing that I'm good at. It killed him inside, and the sad thing is that I didn't even mean what I said. I just wanted him to feel my pain. What happened was me taking out all my anger from everyone in my past (friends, family, parents included) that ever hurt me, used me, took advantage of me, etc. and taking it out on him.
The things I said to him weren't even close to the pain I'd experienced from him.
It was pretty harsh, and I really regret what I said. He said no one's ever said anything like that to him before, and I believe it, 'cause I've never talked to anyone that way before. That's so not me, and he just had to be the one person that caught my fire.
For some reason, this keeps happening. Every time, I'm mad at him. I end up being the one apologizing in the end. I'm just gonna learn to be slow to anger and keep my mouth closed and just think about it for a while before I speak. Idunno.
We've gotten closer than ever before and really became committed to each other...
I can't wait to see him tomorrow (and that's not just because of the make-up sex) but just to see him. He's beautiful. I love him (but I can't tell him that, just yet). He cares for me more than I ever understood before and he's never lied to me. I think I heard what I wanted to hear in that phone convo and I feel really bad for going overboard, but I refuse to apologize for it because it should not have happened.
He's good to me, and it took all the drama to realize it. The roommate told me that there's nothing going on with them and whatever is going on is between me and my bf. I kept telling him to quit covering for him and tell me the truth. Even he told me to chill out... -lol- Damn. Am I that outta control??
I had/have some serious trust issues. I never realized that before last night. He asked me questions like when I thought he was dishonest to me, and he showed me how he wasn't, and everything was just me contradicting myself. I feel dumb as hell right now, but I need to trust him. I need to let him be that person for me.
He won't let me outta his sight now. He told me it's like when he wanted space from me and I wanted to be with him, and now the shoe's on the other foot and he knows how I felt at the time.
Last night, and all day today, we were together. He just held me, and we comforted each other. I feel for the first time in my life that I really mean something to someone, and that I'm with someone that cares about me, in spite of all my faults. He wants to be with me, and I'm gonna let him... That's all I can say... I trust him.
He does something for me. There's just something about him. I don't know yet what it is, but I'm gonna figure it out. There's something... He makes me think and he gets into my soul somehow. I gave up a big piece of my heart to him last night, and I let him in, in a way that no one else has ever even come close to. I can't explain it. He taps into something within me, and it's just unexplainable. But now I know for sure, and I trust him for sure. It was all me, and my issues. He was really upset about me not trusting him, that's what convinced me because of how upset he was... you really can't fake what I saw come out of him. Damn. (Thinking...) You want me that bad?? Okay... -lol-
I just have to let him in... again. (Your line here.) Okay, I KNOW!! But for real... take my word for it. This is right for me. I guess I never really let him in before, and this is me letting him in for the first time. He just has a HORRIBLE way of showing it, but he's gotten a LOT better at showing his love. For the first time, I know how he feels about me (I don't have to wonder about it), and call me crazy, but this is the guy that I wanna be in love with. Fa Sho...
That was the comment that I got from ML, months ago, the night I decided I wanted to be with my man. Who woulda thought I could still apply that to now? That why he's my BOY!...
The truth is, a lot of the problems I have with him, are MY issues.
I took him back, I did. He apologized, sincerely, and talked about wanting me to understand that he cares for and loves me, and about how his love for me makes him weak. (Yes, he DID say that...)
He cried and THAT was unexpected, even moreso because of how thuggish he was lookin'... -lol- He was trying to fight it. Waiting to be alone, but he could barely hold back. He was embracing me, and he wouldn't let me go. His face was pressed into my abdomen because of how I was sitting in front of him in his lap facing him. That's the only way I can open up to him, when I'm right there on top of him with him holding me and looking at me. I was trying to get up and walk out of the room, and he wouldn't let me go. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and that's when he let it out.
I can't explain the past two days now, but we've gotten to a point where we really can't be without each other.
Looking back, the last situation was pretty shady, but it really wasn't what I blew it up to be.
(I'm sorry if I got some of you as upset as I was, b/c I know some of y'all were planning to come down to FL to "raise up on [these] bitches" -lol-)
As a result, and the pain I felt, I ended up hurting him in the process of us coming back together. I hurt him really bad with my words. That's just one thing that I'm good at. It killed him inside, and the sad thing is that I didn't even mean what I said. I just wanted him to feel my pain. What happened was me taking out all my anger from everyone in my past (friends, family, parents included) that ever hurt me, used me, took advantage of me, etc. and taking it out on him.
The things I said to him weren't even close to the pain I'd experienced from him.
It was pretty harsh, and I really regret what I said. He said no one's ever said anything like that to him before, and I believe it, 'cause I've never talked to anyone that way before. That's so not me, and he just had to be the one person that caught my fire.
For some reason, this keeps happening. Every time, I'm mad at him. I end up being the one apologizing in the end. I'm just gonna learn to be slow to anger and keep my mouth closed and just think about it for a while before I speak. Idunno.
We've gotten closer than ever before and really became committed to each other...
I can't wait to see him tomorrow (and that's not just because of the make-up sex) but just to see him. He's beautiful. I love him (but I can't tell him that, just yet). He cares for me more than I ever understood before and he's never lied to me. I think I heard what I wanted to hear in that phone convo and I feel really bad for going overboard, but I refuse to apologize for it because it should not have happened.
He's good to me, and it took all the drama to realize it. The roommate told me that there's nothing going on with them and whatever is going on is between me and my bf. I kept telling him to quit covering for him and tell me the truth. Even he told me to chill out... -lol- Damn. Am I that outta control??
I had/have some serious trust issues. I never realized that before last night. He asked me questions like when I thought he was dishonest to me, and he showed me how he wasn't, and everything was just me contradicting myself. I feel dumb as hell right now, but I need to trust him. I need to let him be that person for me.
He won't let me outta his sight now. He told me it's like when he wanted space from me and I wanted to be with him, and now the shoe's on the other foot and he knows how I felt at the time.
Last night, and all day today, we were together. He just held me, and we comforted each other. I feel for the first time in my life that I really mean something to someone, and that I'm with someone that cares about me, in spite of all my faults. He wants to be with me, and I'm gonna let him... That's all I can say... I trust him.
He does something for me. There's just something about him. I don't know yet what it is, but I'm gonna figure it out. There's something... He makes me think and he gets into my soul somehow. I gave up a big piece of my heart to him last night, and I let him in, in a way that no one else has ever even come close to. I can't explain it. He taps into something within me, and it's just unexplainable. But now I know for sure, and I trust him for sure. It was all me, and my issues. He was really upset about me not trusting him, that's what convinced me because of how upset he was... you really can't fake what I saw come out of him. Damn. (Thinking...) You want me that bad?? Okay... -lol-
I just have to let him in... again. (Your line here.) Okay, I KNOW!! But for real... take my word for it. This is right for me. I guess I never really let him in before, and this is me letting him in for the first time. He just has a HORRIBLE way of showing it, but he's gotten a LOT better at showing his love. For the first time, I know how he feels about me (I don't have to wonder about it), and call me crazy, but this is the guy that I wanna be in love with. Fa Sho...
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