This is a reply to an e-mail I got from someone yesterday, I just didn't feel the need to retype this because it explains almost everything. I hope he doesn't mind me posting this.
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::Original Message...
Are you ok pa? I just read your blog and found out what happend. Give me your number so I can call you. Im worried about whether you are doing ok or not. Sign on to yahoo if you wanna talk or email me your number. I'm sorry to hear about what happened and I could have told you that them some snakes in the grass. Get out of that situation. Shadyness is not cute. Love ya.
-Your Guardian Angel.
::Reply...
Thanx.. I'm at the library right now which is next door to the health department. I'm waiting so I can go and get tested. The story gets even worse. This morning, I remembered something I heard during their phone convo, which gives me good reason to break up with him. Last night, he came to my job and I was dumb enough to give him the keys to my car and some money so he can get something to eat. I was supposed to get off at 1am, but my boss let me off early at 10:30. I went to where he told me he'd be which he wasn't and I found him and the dude together smoking. I knock on the door of the apt. he was in b/c he was somewhere different than where he told me he'd be. I knock on the door and no answer, but I can see the dude inside sitting down, so I open the window and I call out his name. He storms out the apartment and starts screaming at me "Damn. Can't I fucking go to the bathroom?..." and he's never yelled at me before. He's all outta control (cuz he's been smoking weed) and he goes downstairs and is like "Come on, I don't have time for you fucking attitude right now!" and I was just standing there speechless cuz I didn't do or say anything to him. I just wanted my keys because I wanted to go home in my own damn car, and I was expecting him to come with me. So, as he walks downstairs. I walk into the apartment and I find the other dude hiding in the closet. I called him about thirty minutes before and asked him if my bf was w/ him and he told me no. So I turn on the light, and I look at him and I just say "You don't have to lie (for him)," and I walk out the apt. after my bf. Then he's still flipping out. I've never seen him like this before. He's like, "I'm getting my shit out of your car..." I didn't know what the hell was wrong with him. Then he's like, "Well, are we leaving?" So we leave, but I don't wanna talk to him because he's swearing at me and getting loud saying I had an attitude, and I was calm the whole time, just surprised at how he was. He's just mad because I know the truth about him and he can't use me anymore. Me giving him my keys last night was me giving him the benefit of the doubt. He forfeited my trust already in one day, and he knew how he hurt me, and he turned around and did it again. Shady. It hurts so bad because I know he doesn't care about me or my feelings. He told me that yesterday he'd ridden the bus all day and hadn't even thought about what had happened earlier. They both told me they didn't even remember what their convo was about. Obviously, they don't remember because it's a typical convo that they always have together, the usual and there was no respect for me in it at all. He was just putting me down and bitching about me being inexperienced and all. So, I guess it's true what they say, sex changes everything. I'm really disappointed. I feel ashamed. I have a lot of regret. I feel betrayed, but it IS a learning experience, none-the-less. It's just not fair. I don't know how or why anyone would want to hurt me so bad and have no remorse what-so-ever. I was right about not trusting him. It doesn't hurt now as bad as it did before because I knew all along, but I chose to believe him. I chose to trust him, and accept the fact that if I got burned, I got burned, which is what happened. I am kinda surprised, though... cuz things WERE going really well with us for the past few weeks. We didn't really start having our disagreements again before a few days ago. I could look in his eyes and tell that he wanted to be with me, but now I just wanna cry. I haven't broken down yet, and I don't think I'm going to. I just got my confirmation. I called the cops on him and the dude last night and reported a breaking and entering because I knew they were getting high. I don't know if they even came because they didn't even come that time when they got into that huge fight and dude slashed my tires, so idunno. I don't care for him anymore. I had big plans for new year's weekend with him, but thank God I didn't waste anymore money on him. I'm serious, I was gonna put up my whole paycheck so we could have a good time. Now I'm sitting in the library waiting for the health clinic to open. Part of the convo I heard was him talking about dude trying to talk to him again, and them talking about hooking up later that night. Dude was saying that he hasn't been fucking around and that he was ready. Talking about he was gonna "...bust an ultraload." and I heard my bf say, "That'll tell me, then if you've been fucking around, how much you knut..." So, yeah... I'm done with his ass. I was good to him, and this is the thanks I get. Thanx for checkin' on me homie. I really appreciate that. Gimme your number so I can give you a call. I don't have anybody to talk to. Thanks. Peace.
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So Anyway, thanx everybody that is trying to be supportive. Especially those of you that I've had a chance to talk to outside of my comments page, like Quaheem, Papi, and my boy ML. But thanks to everyone that takes the time to read my blog, too. I really appreciate it. I just need some time and space right now, (even from this I think). There is more to the story (if you can believe it cuz I can't even believe it, but I'll save that for another time because I am exhausted and stressed from work and everything so I'm about to bizounce right now. Holla if you read this. Lata.
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