::bOoTy-aSs NaKeD...

Like I said, I don't know how much longer we can go before we get caught... It's a huge risk to take, yet I choose to be with him on the threshold of telling (or accidentally showing) my family that I'm into dudes.

Picture yourself with your special someone... just to hear the click of the door's which is only feet away from you, him, and your naked body. You feel your heart racing from fear and excitement at the same time as you sprint towards the door just to slam it back shut in their face knowing it's someone you do not want to catch you.

THAT was the experience I had yesterday, only I wasn't butt naked. I had on boxers, but still... close enough. At least, I gave you that visual, right? ;)... -lol- but the chain was on the door, so my sister and my mother could not get in.

"Wait," I yell. "I just got out of the shower..." (for the second time) She starts laughing and is like "What are you DOING?" I signal him to run past me (it was hilarious) and hide in the closet. He looks at me and is like "I told you!..."

I didn't hear the car pull up or anything. The whole time, I'm laughing because I'm thrilled at the situation but he has this really shocked look on his face.

"Relax," I tell him and he's like "I'm just being like this for YOU! You're the one that's gonna have to deal with this situation..." -lol- It was too funny.

Idunno. I just can't help it. I look at him and I see desire in his eyes. I feel wanted. I feel needed. I get sucked into his energy and I feel his passion. I stare at him, and study his body in awe... thinking about what could come to be within the next few moments... Then, I get turned on.

I always said I'd never kiss and tell, therefore NEVER writing about sex, thus never MENTIONING my sex life in my blog, but I really can't help it, right now...

My sex life has changed dramatically... I choose to write about the biggest things that are going on in my life, and occasionally, the smallest most minor details, but today, sex is what I choose to write about. Not for attention, just because, that's what's on my mind...

Things have gotten significantly better for me, him, and our physical relationship has really improved.

I used to believe that a nonsexual relationship was what I wanted. Sex used to never be as big a part of my life as it is now. I can't EVER get it off of my mind, because of the way he turns me on. I'd never been with a dude before I met him, and now that I have... I don't ever wanna go back... -lol-

You wanna know a little secret I keep? One reason I've prolly been a little attached to him is because of how when I first met him, it only took me less than three weeks to give myself to him. I gave it up without knowing him that well, though I wanted more, I was dying for it. After that first day, we went at it for three weeks straight, every day, multiple times a day, even on my lunch break and before work, which resulted in me frequently showing up to work an hour or two late, with the biggest Kool Aid smile on my face being extra friendly to EVERYBODY...

There was just something about him, that changed my perspective of love & life, and the things I wanted. I felt fulfilled by him, through what he'd provided for me, and in what I'd experienced with him. I've changed for the better because of it, and I don't want to look back, but forward toward what I hope it to someday become. I'm stronger through the bad experiences we had, but even in that, they were OUR experiences, and mine to learn from.

I'm lmao, because I'm thinking about the freak that's come outta me. I met-up with some old friends from high school the other day. We were on the second floor balcony of the Barnes & Noble. We were talking, and then all of a sudden one of the girls grabs my arm, pulls me towards her, and goes "OMG hold my mirror, and look-at-your-neck... is that a HICKY!?" -lol- I'm thinking, like "Damn! It's been TWO DAYS and it's still there!?"

We were in a huge, yet quiet book store and SHE was alllll loud about it, too... so, once again, it was the "all eyes on me" show...

That conversation ended with me being reminded of my past "lectures" of maintaining abstinence and waiting until marriage... -lol- "Are you still a virgin?" she asks me. I shake my head w/ a shy laugh and say "College really turned me out... but I'm getting back to my old self, again..." She proceeds to tell me "I know how you feel..." and that was the end of the discussion... Wow...

Then the same thing happened at work the day before w/ one of my co-workers. I walk by her and she smacks me on the shoulder... (of course, all loud and IN our work environment) with a "WHO BEEN KISSIN' ON YOU!?" -lol- I responded w/ a nervous but humored laugh, "I'll tell you later..."

But the freakiness that's become of me, is me talkin bout the tongue-licking desire for the strawberries, whipped cream, and chocolate syrup on my [where?] and him and his lips, here, there, and mm-hmm right there, too...

The desire that compelled me to feel-him-up in the movie theater yesterday, and have him pressed up against me as we made out in the bathroom stall afterward.

That's what I mean...

::now for a commercial break...
I know, my peoples in blogland think I'm c(ah)razy for taking him back, but I have to admit, that I blew him up to be the horrible person that he really is not. He's really very sweet, and I feel like we've gotten past most of the bull. I know I'm young but that doesn't mean I'm dumb or naive, and I resent being thought of in that manner, but everyone's entitled to their own opinion, I guess. I do deserve some credit, tho... But, that's all I'm going to say about that. I think I'm just going to stop putting myself out there like that, that's all...

Like I said, a lot of our problems in the past, were my issues and my insecurities. I know he's not the most drop-dead gorgeous guy in the world, but I find him to be fine-as-hell, and extremely desirable.

Any constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated, but negativity is really not necessary. Thanx, don't stop lovin me... ;)

::now, back to our regularly scheduled programming...
So, now he's "hiding" in my sister's walk-in closet. He's holding onto the door, which has no lock, so that if she tried to open it, it would not, so she'd think it was jammed.

I thought she saw him and was playing it off for me, because we both know how borderline psycho my mother is. He was already dressed, and it was me that was still undressed, trying to entyce and excite him still... He kept telling me to "save it for later..." but I find it hard to withdraw my infatuation with him.

So, I quickly get dressed (& thanking goodness we made the bed back up first), and I open the door, big smile, "HEY!," and start talking and walking really fast to change conversation and redirect focus off of me and onto them.

I go into the bedroom closet where he is, and tease him some more. I slide my tongue across his lips just to catch him staring me down with the "you really need to quit" look.

Then I hear the wretched, authoratative sound of my mother's voice. Yes, she's calling me by name... In shock. I'm thinking... "Oh, damn! What did I forget? What did she find?"

I come out of the closet to find my mother staring at me with a strawberry flavored condom in her hand.

I've never been a good liar, NEVER, but that night I was really quick on my toes about it, and pulled it off.

I told her that I'd worn my brother's jacket to work for the first time (which was true) and that I'd pulled it outta the pocket when I came home. (Which was not true, it was mine.)

She responds with a "Well, you'd better be careful!! He'll get you in trouble at work!" -lol- and she knows my brother smokes marijuana occasionally so I go "Yeah, atleast I didn't find any weed on me... I ain't trying to get fired or go to jail anytime soon..." and she starts cracking up, and forgets about it.

Then she says she needs to go to the store to get some dog food, and I'm thinking, great... they'll leave, and I'll have another good half hour with him, if he's willing to risk it... -lol-

Just then, my sister's like "Let me put on my other shoes..." which are in her closet...

It took me a second to pick up on that, because I didn't know if they knew he was in the house or not.

So she walks out of the room and goes into her bedroom. I indiscretely run out of the room where my mom was and stop my sister.

I go "No!... Wait..." and she looks at me with this perplexed look, and I'm like "Don't worry about it come, let's go..."

So I start rushing them out of the house. My sister starts looking around and asks questions because his watch, portable dvd player, and his shades were all on the kitchen counter. I go, "You know that's mine! Now Let's go. Let's go!" and rushed them out of the house. Anyway, it worked... So they go downstairs and wait for me. I tell them I'm coming and they go wait in the car. I scramble to get his stuff for him and to run back in the closet to kiss him real quick... I throw my house key at him and tell him to get his stuff and lock the door behind him and that I'll call him from the car as we're going to the store. He says okay, and gives me that look again. -lol- It was too funny, because I was laughing, I'm like "Baby... relax... it's over..." and he's like "It's not ME I'm worried about..." lol 'Cause you'd THINK I'd be more paranoid about it, but I'm so carefree and free-spirited about everything it's not even funny. I don't really think about what could happen until afterward.

So, I get in the car after, 'cause I told my mom I had to get my cell phone outta the car, the problem was, I gave him my keys, so he had to unlock the car from the house, and I had to act like I was unlocking the car myself, when it was him doing it from inside the house.

So I get in the car with them and we leave. My mom then asks "So... what's his name?" My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I started to say his name, but then I go "Wha?" at the same time my sister responded. Before I got in the car, THEY were having a conversation about a boy that likes her... that was SO close! OhMyJeez...

So, I called him and he's like "I'm out! I'm out!" and I start to laugh and was acting like I was in the conversation with my mom and sister going "Right, right..." and "...cool..." and "...that's great..." It was too funny.

All I gotta say is I'm relieved. I think that the risks I take makes life more exciting but I really do need to be more careful. Holla!