What I want in a relationship is for things to be mutual... shared dominance, I guess. Dare I say equality? This is something that I'd never thought about before until my bf brought it up the other night. It isn't something that I really want to think about because we've been together for a while now that I don't think it really matters much. We recently started getting real serious about each other, he moreso than myself, and that's prolly the reason for all the analysis of what we have.
What I want is to focus on our friendship and leave the relationship as is. Focusing on the friendship that comes with our relationship and build it from there. I wanna just be boys that just kick it, chill, have fun, make out, and get freaky occasionally... well daily, but you see where I'm getting at, right?
I don't think there's really a need for discussion about it, but maybe that's me giving him my ass to kiss like he says I usually do. We had a disagreement the other day because I felt like his feelings were basically telling me to bitch up to him -- that was not the case, but I took offense to it.
I usually overreact to him, all his experience, and how he views things. He sees himself as more dominant than me, therefore feels the need to take on the "dominant role."
Uhh... ohhhkay?... Why discuss this? Just let it be, right?
I don't see myself as female, neither one of us has an effeminate nature, and I'm not a bitch (although I can be one sometimes... lol) but anyway... What dictates that?
Idunno... I'm really looking for some insight from all you wonderful experienced people out there, because this is prolly another one of those "gay things" that I don't understand and have a lot to learn about.
It's not a big deal, but I just see us as equal and doing our thing. What's wrong with that?
I kinda don't want the whole "relationship" thing, which is why I'm kinda scared he's in love with me. I think he is, and I'm getting the idea that he's getting to that point where he really wants a commitment. Damn.
Ever since I broke up w/ him right after Christmas and we got back together, he doesn't want to be away from or without me.
It's nice to be pursued and cared for, and he does a lot of nice things for me, and is very good to me, treating me right, and everything...
He just started a new job a few weeks ago, and I'd noticed he had a somewhat sour mood every day before work. He tried to play it off, saying he was just tired and was trying to get used to get up at 7:00 in the morning, but I didn't think that was it.
It wasn't until the other day that he'd explained to me that it bothers him not being able to spend time with me like we had been, because when he gets off work, I'm going to work, etc.
I knew it would be hard, but we could work around the schedules, and we both have cell phones, but I just recently started a new job as well, where I work at 3 and 4 in the morning, and pretty much all my time away from work is spent sleeping... lol, really, I can't go out on the weekends because I have to get up early. I mentioned that it sucks because, it's the kind of job for people that have someone to come home to at night.
I think he's starting to feel like he wants me to come home to him.
We both are in a very uncomfortable position where we don't have our own spaces. We have to hide and be discrete about everything, and it's getting frustrating. Part of me wants to get caught., yes... but not like this.
::Flashback...
I've been looking for an apartment, but for a roommate as well. He'd suggested looking together, but he wasn't that serious about it when he said that. His job is providing a place for him to live, but he'll have to share with a person he doesn't even know and he doesn't want to do that. "I want to be able to walk around naked in my own house," he says. I don't blame him.
That's a huge decision to make, but I'm not losing sleep over it. Just time... I was planning on going back to school, but since I didn't move back, I'm stuck living with my momz, which is the least most desirable thing I want, right now; and having someone I can trust and relate to, it seems like it's an alright idea.
Things have been okay between us. We get along really well, we have a lot of fun, we spend almost all of our time together outside of work, and we never really fight.
I become more sensitve and emotional with him, and I hate it cuz that's not how I am. My child-like qualities even come out, and I don't know why... Maybe that's why he thinks about Us the way he does...
What I want is to focus on our friendship and leave the relationship as is. Focusing on the friendship that comes with our relationship and build it from there. I wanna just be boys that just kick it, chill, have fun, make out, and get freaky occasionally... well daily, but you see where I'm getting at, right?
I don't think there's really a need for discussion about it, but maybe that's me giving him my ass to kiss like he says I usually do. We had a disagreement the other day because I felt like his feelings were basically telling me to bitch up to him -- that was not the case, but I took offense to it.
I usually overreact to him, all his experience, and how he views things. He sees himself as more dominant than me, therefore feels the need to take on the "dominant role."
Uhh... ohhhkay?... Why discuss this? Just let it be, right?
I don't see myself as female, neither one of us has an effeminate nature, and I'm not a bitch (although I can be one sometimes... lol) but anyway... What dictates that?
Idunno... I'm really looking for some insight from all you wonderful experienced people out there, because this is prolly another one of those "gay things" that I don't understand and have a lot to learn about.
It's not a big deal, but I just see us as equal and doing our thing. What's wrong with that?
I kinda don't want the whole "relationship" thing, which is why I'm kinda scared he's in love with me. I think he is, and I'm getting the idea that he's getting to that point where he really wants a commitment. Damn.
Ever since I broke up w/ him right after Christmas and we got back together, he doesn't want to be away from or without me.
It's nice to be pursued and cared for, and he does a lot of nice things for me, and is very good to me, treating me right, and everything...
He just started a new job a few weeks ago, and I'd noticed he had a somewhat sour mood every day before work. He tried to play it off, saying he was just tired and was trying to get used to get up at 7:00 in the morning, but I didn't think that was it.
It wasn't until the other day that he'd explained to me that it bothers him not being able to spend time with me like we had been, because when he gets off work, I'm going to work, etc.
I knew it would be hard, but we could work around the schedules, and we both have cell phones, but I just recently started a new job as well, where I work at 3 and 4 in the morning, and pretty much all my time away from work is spent sleeping... lol, really, I can't go out on the weekends because I have to get up early. I mentioned that it sucks because, it's the kind of job for people that have someone to come home to at night.
I think he's starting to feel like he wants me to come home to him.
We both are in a very uncomfortable position where we don't have our own spaces. We have to hide and be discrete about everything, and it's getting frustrating. Part of me wants to get caught., yes... but not like this.
::Flashback...
Funny thing, yesterday... I was leaving, and I left the front door open and went to the bathroom real quick. He'd gone to the car, and all of a sudden I hear someone calling me. It was my sister. I thought she was at work. I told her I was leaving, and she told me to tell [him] she said "hi" and called out his name and everything. I'm standing there like "wha?" cuz I thought I heard her wrong, but I didn't even bother to ask her to repeat herself cuz I was in a hurry anyway, but yeah... so I think my sister knows... great... but anyway, and ALSO the other day, I came home from work at like 2am and he picked me up. I didn't want him to go home, so I told him to come home with me. I had an extra uniform shirt in my car, from my job and I told him to put it on, and I just told my mom he was a guy I worked with and was locked out of his house. She didn't fall for it, but gave me this "whatever, okay" look. -lol- So, yeah... he met my mom, she thinks he's a dude from work, and he slept at my house that night... WHAT was i thinking?? OMG, I was kicking myself after that, but it was kinda funny...::Okay, now back to the real post...
I've been looking for an apartment, but for a roommate as well. He'd suggested looking together, but he wasn't that serious about it when he said that. His job is providing a place for him to live, but he'll have to share with a person he doesn't even know and he doesn't want to do that. "I want to be able to walk around naked in my own house," he says. I don't blame him.
That's a huge decision to make, but I'm not losing sleep over it. Just time... I was planning on going back to school, but since I didn't move back, I'm stuck living with my momz, which is the least most desirable thing I want, right now; and having someone I can trust and relate to, it seems like it's an alright idea.
Things have been okay between us. We get along really well, we have a lot of fun, we spend almost all of our time together outside of work, and we never really fight.
I become more sensitve and emotional with him, and I hate it cuz that's not how I am. My child-like qualities even come out, and I don't know why... Maybe that's why he thinks about Us the way he does...
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